What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Personality disorders aren’t mental illnesses in the way that we recognize depression or anxiety. Personality disorders have traits and characteristics that show in persistent patterns that endure over time in the way a person thinks, feels, how they interact with others, and in their ability to mange impulses. These patterns of behavior appear to be rigid in that they continue over time and situations, regardless of appropriateness. This can lead to issues in areas of relationships, finances, and employment, where a level of flexibility may be required and a person would need to adapt to different situations in different ways.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) presents with characteristics of internal instability, meaning people with this disorder have a large emotional scale that fluctuates greatly based on triggers and situations. When we talk to people about what the characteristics of BPD feel like, we hear people describe it as extreme triggered mood swings, feelings of intense emptiness and despair, “It’s all or nothing,” the fear of being alone or abandoned, difficulties making or keeping friends, intense and unstable romantic relationships, difficulties connecting in family relationships, urges to engage in risky or dangerous impulsive behaviors, feelings of quick intense anger, and ongoing thoughts of suicide and self-injurious behaviors. For people living with BPD it often feels like there are eruptions or explosions of emotion every day. And although they desperately want stability, or to feel “normal”, it seems no matter how hard they try to reach it, it’s just not attainable.

First things first, this needs to be very clear- people with BPD are NOT “horrible, manipulative” people. They do not “intentionally cause drama,” and they are not “attention seeking.” These are terms we have heard over and over by people with the disorder, and without. And although it is understandable that people interacting with someone with BPD may often interpret their behaviors in this way, it is not what the person with BPD is intending. People with personality disorders interpret the world differently than those without one. People with BPD have a sincere desire to connect with others, but the disorder causes patterns of thought that interferes with those connections. In general, people with BPD are trying to get their needs met, trying to make lasting connections, doing the best they can in an environment that typically doesn’t understand their experience. It’s often an experience of deep internal pain, chaos, and emptiness, and one that most people without the disorder don’t have a reference point to relate to.

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with BPD, or if you think the distress you’re feeling is due to characteristics of BPD, know that there is hope for change. DBT skills can help stop the often destructive patterns experienced with BPD. DBT skills are intended to become habitual, often ingrained behaviors. This allows you to move away from destructive automatic reactions, and move toward greater stability, emotional regulation, and a greater level of self-esteem. Don’t put off getting the help you need, schedule a consultation now to begin your journey in creating a life worth living.